A Message to Tea Partiers and Occupiers: We’re All Idiots

The Tea Party versus Occupy Wall Street, battle of the titans, clash of the Gods, natural enemies…who will come out on top? In the right corner we’ve got the Tea Party—a bunch of old, rich, white men who want to eliminate anything that can be categorized, even under the loosest definition, as an entitlement program (except of course for their monthly social security checks). In the left corner is Occupy Wall Street—a bunch of entitled, young hippies, who want the hardworking class in America to pay off their student loans instead of getting a job. It’s going to be a bloody battle and only one will come out on top…the fate of our country lies in their hands. Will America turn into a fascist corporatocracy or will she become a Marxist socialist state? Stay tuned to find out…

Of course, this is all bullshit. And while the vast majority of Americans who fall within the center-left to center-right spectrum are pitted against each other, the people who run this country are laughing behind our backs. We’re all fighting for the same thing: a fair shot in this country. Those on the right are convinced that government is the root of all evil. Those on the left say that corporate greed is source of the current economy. Well, I’ve got news for you, they’re both responsible because they’re virtually one and the same. They want us fighting because if we teamed up it would be the end of them. So far, they’re winning.

For those of you under the delusion that we have a free market economy, check your bank accounts. It’s safe to say that unless you make well into the six-figure range, it’s either gone down or stayed about the same, if you’re lucky. It took Barack Obama 745 MILLION DOLLARS  to win the presidency in ’08. Combined with McCain, the two spent well over a BILLION dollars—and this was without the Citizens United decision. Think about that for a second—over a billion dollars spent on just one campaign. I’d have to work about 20,000 years to see that much money. Some 47 percent of congress members are millionaires. That’s hardly representative democracy.

Congress and wealthy corporations are dependent on each other for their very existence. Corporations buy off politicians to pass favorable legislation and in turn, the politician gets a nice long career in Washington and when they retire, they get a nice cushy job as a lobbyist for a pharmaceutical company or big oil or whoever else they fought for during their time in office. This passed by unnoticed (or at least ignored) by the general public when the economy was good. But now that we’re in crisis, the public is looking for someone to blame. The wealthy want you to think it’s government and government wants you to think it’s the corporations.

We’ve got a problem in this country when a serious presidential candidate can get away with saying that, “corporations are people,” and we barely bat an eye. We’ve got a problem in this country when a politician who got a sweetheart deal from Countrywide is the same politician who's responsible for drafting financial reform legislation.

THEY ARE IN IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE. Their survival depends on convincing the majority of America that we’re enemies. We’re not. We’re fighting for the same outcome—an opportunity to live without the fear of losing our homes, or not being able to eat, and maybe having a little left over so we can retire before we die. Their survival depends upon the right leaning and left leaning being at each other’s throats because when we think we’re adversaries, the real culprits can continue with their unholy alliance.

It isn’t all of them, but it’s most of them and certainly enough to put us in the state we’re in today. The system is messed up. We are government and we are corporations and we’ve created a monster and now we need to fix it. Complete public financing of campaigns would be a good start. If we can’t do that, at least limit campaign donations to individuals and curb the ability of 527s and PACs to influence elections. We also need to close the revolving door between Congress and K Street. But until Middle America realizes we’re not each other’s enemy, the people with the money are going to continue to play us like pawns in their little game of masters of the universe.

MISSING: One Large Set of Cojones. If Found, Please Return to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

I remember watching Barack Obama’s keynote speech at the 2004 Democratic National Convention. As he neared the end of his speech, I distinctly remember saying to myself that he was going to be our president someday. I didn’t think it would be four years later. Hillary Clinton was my choice in ’08, but since I’m a registered independent I didn’t have much of a say over that in the Democratic primary. But after the eight year disaster that was George W. Bush there was a virtual zero chance that a Republican was going to win the election and I cast my vote for Obama with all the confidence of the hope and change that he promised.

Four years later, Clinton has become arguably the best secretary of state this country has ever known and Obama…he’s been mediocre, at best. He started to reel me in when the Lilly Ledbetter Act was signed into law. I thought Hey, maybe this guy’s for real and things are about turn around. But almost four years later I’m still left with a feeling of wanting more.

It’s inarguable that Obama’s done a lot in his first term. The argument is whether you like what he's done or not. He passed an economic stimulus bill, there was cash for clunkers, the auto bail out, health care reform, federal funding for stem cell research, Lilly Ledbetter, Bin Laden’s dead, Sotomayor and Kagan onto the Supreme Court, we’re finally out of Iraq, Gaddafi’s gone with no American lives lost, no more global gag rule, and DADT (that hideous monstrosity) is finally gone.**

     **Forgive the lack of chronology as I was just throwing out things off the top of my head.

After all of this, I’m still left with a lot ambiguity toward our 44^th president. The economic stimulus didn’t go nearly far enough and allowed states to use the money in ways that were not stimulative. The health care bill also didn’t go nearly far enough and I’ll elucidate my opinions on health care at a later date. Obama’s foreign policy has been better and more humane than W's and Cheney's ever was (but, then again, when the defense industry is privatized and highly profitable, should we be so shocked that we get perpetual war?)

It’s nice to have a president who believes in science and doesn’t use women’s rights as a bargaining chip for destitute countries to receive foreign aid. However, to give Obama credit for the DADT repeal would be analogous to giving Wilson credit for the Nineteenth Amendment (it’s women’s suffrage people. Geez, study your history). Much like activists such as Susan B. Anthony, Alice Paul, Lucy Burns, Carrie Catt, Inez Milholland, et al deserve the credit for forcing the hand of a reticent public and a president playing politics, people like Lt. Dan Choi, Knights Out, the Log Cabin Republicans, Susan Collins, and yes, even Lady Gaga deserve the credit for forcing the hand of a president who was playing politics with a constituency he assumed he had in his back pocket. Nevertheless, the P.O.S. law is gone and that’s a plus one for Obama.

But the bottom line is no matter how much blame can be placed on the Bush Administration, no matter how much of a failure trickledown economics is, no matter how many pledges Grover Norquist makes conservative legislators sign, this country is not that much better off than it was four years ago. Republican obstructionism notwithstanding, the hope and change promised in the campaign has fizzled down to a, "maybe if we wait it out things will get better." I don’t want rhetoric. A nice speech, no matter how poignant, doesn’t pay my bills. My paycheck has stagnated for three years now, but my cost of living keeps going up and I can’t sustain that trend much longer.  

It isn’t difficult to discern what the American public wants. We just want fairness. We get that the free market ebbs and flows and sometimes we hit downturns, but the downturns have become deep pits because we have a system that’s set up to favor large corporations who can afford to buy off politicians. We don’t want to pay zero taxes, we just want everyone to pay their fair share—even the wealthy.

(And, conservatives, please stop with the half of America doesn’t pay income tax bullshit. They don’t pay income taxes because they make shit for wages and you just want to kick them while they’re down. Everybody pays taxes in some form or another. Effective rates are what matter and the ultra-wealthy are making money off of their money, not from hard work).

Our system is set up against the middle class. We bear the brunt of both corporate tax breaks and excessive entitlements. We carry the weight of the poor overhead like Sisyphus, while we drag corporate welfare behind us like a ball and chain strapped to our ankles. But pretty soon our backs are going to break and then who will politicians run to? You won’t be able to turn to your owners (the wealthy) because the second you turn on them is when they pull their funding from your PACs and then how do you win re-election? And you won't be able to drain the middle class anymore because, well, we won't exist.

Given the state of the Republican primary it’s looking more and more like my vote in 2012 will be going back to Obama, unless Huntsman pulls out a miracle. But it’s definitely not with the enthusiasm I had four years ago. I’ve got to admit, Mr. President, that I think you’ve been a little on the wimpy side over the last four years (apart from Bin Laden and the Iraq pull out, for which your country owes you a debt of gratitude). I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with you about the whole fourth most accomplished president bit. You’ve done a lot, but much of it has been rather half-assed and you seem to capitulate to the right more than is necessary. We’ve still got massive unemployment, massive debt, and a stagnant economy, though an obstructive House deserves at least as much of the credit for that. The Tea Party has revealed itself for what it really is—a group of saboteurs who want nothing but your downfall—and the American public has caught on to them. If you get re-elected, your next four years will reveal your presidential legacy. I think you have it in you to be a great president, but (and forgive the uncouth locution) you need to grow pair before that will happen.

Yours,

Liz

Republican Primary: The Greatest Show on Earth

Normally, conservative politicians elicit an allergic-type reaction in me—hives, itching, watery eyes, slight nausea, and a moderate to severe feeling of apprehension. But I must admit that the Republican primary has been one of the most endearing shows on the talking box all year. 

First we get Donald Trump threatening to run for president and going all birther in order to boost his ratings for the Apprentice. Nobody really takes this loon seriously, but the media jumps all over it because, after all, the media does exist mostly for entertainment value. Obama releases the birth certificate and Trump finally fizzles (though, I hear Orly Taitz is still on the case—so hope endures, Donald)

Crazy Eyes Bachmann wins a straw poll in Iowa, which is about as far away from a bellwether state as you can get, and suddenly Republicans take seriously this woman who once claimed that Congress should be probed for anti-American views. Remind me again, what kind of legacy did Joseph McCarthy leave behind? Hey, crazy lady, disagreeing with you does not constitute treason.

Rick Perry struts into town, both guns blazing. But then he opened his mouth and we all remembered why nobody wants another president from the state of Texas—EVER AGAIN! Rick may not be ashamed to say he’s a Christian, but you don’t need to be listening to this idiot every day to realize there’s something wrong in America when a big old homophobe can be taken seriously as a presidential candidate, but suicides among gay teenagers are becoming epidemic. Oops.

The Republican field is so damn bad and so detestable to their own party that they begged and pleaded for Christ Christie—a first term governor from New Jersey—to save them from the horror of having to vote for Mitt Romney.

But alas, along comes Mr. Nine Nine Nine, himself, Herman Cain. A man whose economic plan was strikingly similar to that found in Sim City, a man who derives inspiration from Pokemon the movie, a man who proudly proclaimed, “We need a leader, not a reader.” What was his downfall? No, it wasn’t any of the above, it wasn’t an abject failure in understanding foreign policy, and it wasn’t even the multiple charges of sexual harassment. No, what the Republicans found too distasteful for their vote was an extramarital affair between two consenting adults. Bye, bye pizza man.

Bring in the Newt, who’s got more baggage than the Duggars bringing their 96 kids to Disney World. He took off in the polls until people realized that he was even more detestable to his own party than to the Democrats. Now he can’t even get his campaign together enough to qualify for the ballot in his own home state. Looks good for a guy bidding to run the country. Adios Newt.

Re-enter Donald Trump and his debate and a new threat to run as an independent. A middle finger from the candidates (except, of course from Gingrich and Santorum, who will never win any nomination except maybe if the Westboro Baptist Church forms a party) and a quick fizzle for Trump again. Hey, Donald, you’re nothing but the butt of jokes now. Go away.

Let’s also not forget the supporting cast—the debate crowds. The cheering for the killing of mentally retarded prisoners, the booing of gay soldiers (who fight for your rights while their own get shit on), cheering the idea of letting the uninsured die on the streets, and emphatically supporting the idea of child labor (Good idea to jump start the economy-let’s take the few jobs that are available that adults so desperately need and give them to children. They come way cheaper. I hear the going rate in China is about 2 bucks an hour).

Seriously, Republicans, is this the best you have to offer? While it is extremely entertaining, this isn’t reality television. In case you haven’t noticed, our country is in a bit of an economic quandary. These people are running to be the leader of the free world, not auditioning for the gazillionth season of the Real World.

My Time in Life: Why Hypocrites Need to Think Before They Speak



YUMMY!

I was in the grocery store yesterday and was in line to buy my Bailey’s, and my apple pie flavored gum (delicious, by the way) and there was a woman in front of me. A nosy peruse later, I see that she has green beans, sweet potatoes, apples, and a few other essential items that were probably the components of a nice Christmas dinner. No longer impressed, I turned my interests back to my liquor and dessert gum. Until, alas, this woman asked the cashier if she could swipe her…gulp…EBT CARD through the swiper at the desk!!! My head turned like Regan MacNeil being prayed over by Father Merrin (it’s The Exorcist, people). At that point, I decided to follow this case through to the end. This woman left the store with her green beans and apples and, you’ll never believe what she did next! She put what little cash she probably had in her wallet into a big, red bucket and THEN had the gall to thank the woman standing there ringing her little bell. Disgusted, I followed her out of the store right to her humble sedan, probably an early 2000’s model. I couldn’t take anymore after that and burned rubber right out of that parking lot. After all this I thought, I should’ve spoken up when I had the chance. As soon as I counted this woman’s 14 items in the 10 item or less lane I knew she was trouble!

In case you didn’t pick up on it from the title or the snark in the previous paragraph, this rant is in response to a young woman from my hometown who recently went viral with a blog post titled My Time at Wal-Mart: Why We Need Serious Welfare Reform.

I won’t hold this woman’s young age against her, though the argument from lack of life experience is a valid one. I detest when people use “kid” as a pejorative. Intelligence and idiocy comes in all ages and to dismiss someone outright because they are, “just a kid,” only makes it look like you have no real defense. Rousselle’s age shouldn’t be a knock against her, nor do I think it gives her a free pass from having the glaring irony of her essay pointed out.

I won’t debate this woman’s argument because, frankly, she’s got a point. There are people who abuse the welfare system. The abusers should be rooted out as best as possible, but when you have programs that are intended to help the needy, you’ll inevitably have those who screw it over. It isn’t just the poor who lack ethics (think, Enron, Bernie Madoff, WorldCom, et al). Corrupt people are just that—self-absorbed assholes—no matter how much money they have in the bank.

I find it incredibly ironic-If not hypocritical-that this young woman took a paycheck from and presumably patronized a corporation that is responsible for perpetuating poverty in the towns it swallows up. Wal-Mart sets up shop, drives down retail wages, and forces local businesses to close their doors. But I’m sure Miss Rousselle is a pro small business Republican.

Wal-Mart uses government subsidies so it can continue to grow like a urinary tract infection in a nursing home. Taxpayers also indirectly subsidize Wal-Mart with the huge number of its employees who are on Medicaid. Not only do they make crap wages, but it’s less expensive for them to take government insurance than to go on their employer’s rolls. You think Wally thought of that while he was making up the benefits packages? I suppose Miss Rousselle thinks it’s different for a multi-billion dollar corporation to take advantage of “taxpayer generosity” than her hot dog vendor buddy out in the Old Port, or that anyone paying with an EBT card, must therefore also be unemployed, and not looking for a job.

I’m sure at this point my more conservative friends are ripping their hair out screaming, “WELL, AT LEAST SHE HAS A JOB!!!!” Calm down, chill out, go grab a glass of chardonnay, and put down the mouse before you throw it through the monitor. I’m sure Wal-Mart was happy to have Miss Rousselle as an employee as she was probably on her parents’ health insurance. I’m also sure she didn’t complain too much about the crap wages because she, most likely, wasn’t trying to raise a family of four.

Working for Wal-Mart only perpetuates poverty, encourages foreign product sourcing, and supports gender discrimination (oh, wait, the conservative Supreme Court said that because Wal-Mart’s has a policy of non-sex discrimination, the glaring disparities within the company are purely coincidence…Yes, you read that right. Why is there no sex discrimination at Wal-Mart? Because Wal-Mart says so).

For this woman to take wages from Wal-Mart and then speak out against welfare is hypocritical. Wal-Mart is as much of a welfare abuser as any single person who shops there. This girl is naïve, but I’m sure she’ll learn to appreciate the liberals a little more when she graduates from Providence and either can’t find a job or gets a crappy job with no benefits and needs to stay on mommy and daddy’s insurance.

Yours,
Liz

Oh, and P.S.

When you say you want to be the next Ann Coulter, you immediately lose all credibility as an impartial observer and expose yourself as someone who only wants to throw out inflammatory rhetoric and offer nothing constructive.

WARNING: Excessive Consumption of False Rhetoric Leads to Messed Up Worldviews

*Forgive the bias toward Christianity…like everybody else, my worldview has largely been influenced by my place of birth (the first piece of evidence that religion is illegitimate).

I label myself an agnostic. I don’t know one way or the other whether God exists, nor can I offer definitive proof either way. There are people way smarter than me to hold that debate. But if there is a God, I’m pretty certain that he/she isn’t the smarmy bastard depicted by the Abrahamic religions. What I do believe is that religion, in the theistic sense, has been a huge detriment to our society and is a shining example of human weakness.

Religions are dependent upon brainwashing children in order to survive. Let’s take Christianity. Imagine trying to sell the religion to an intelligent adult, who just happens to have no knowledge of your belief system. I picture a conversation going something like this:

“Joe Heathen, I’m worried about the destiny of your soul after you die. I have just the thing to get you on the righteous track so you can rest in paradise for all eternity. It’s called Christianity.”

“Well, geez, I’m all for paradise. Tell me a little more about this Christianity thing.”

“See Joe, we’ve got God. Now, he created the world in six days, during which he created man in his image. Then God took one of the man’s ribs and made a woman. One day, the woman was having a nice conversation with a snake and he tricked her into eating from the tree of knowledge. She, in turn, gave the man fruit from the tree and they both learned the secrets of good and evil. This pissed God off and he cast them out of the Garden of Eden.”

“But sir, how could the woman or the man have known it was wrong to disobey God if they couldn’t discriminate between good and evil before they ate from the tree of knowledge?”

“Uh…uh, God’s ways are just higher than ours. Moving along. People were sinful—especially the queers—and God wiped out the earth with a flood, made the Jews wander the desert for forty years, and turned a great fish into a temporary residence for Jonah. Despite all the warnings, people were still sinful—mostly the queers—but ours is a forgiving God so he sent us a chance for salvation. See God is a three part being, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.”

“So you believe in three Gods?”

“No, it’s just one. Trust me. God’s ways are higher. Anyway, God sent us his son to the earth, who was really himself, in order to sacrifice this son/himself for the sake of humanity. Jesus Christ was born to a virgin and over the course of his life he walked on water, made the blind see, fed thousands of men with a few fish and a couple loaves of bread, and he raised the dead. He was perfect. Though he did get mad at that fig tree one time…”

Hearty belly laughs from Joe Heathen followed by an awkward pause…

“Oh, you’re serious?”

Tell these stories to a child and threaten them with eternal damnation if they don’t follow the rules and—BAM!—Religion survives another generation. In the immortal words of George Carlin, “When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims—Religion.”

People have used faith to commit atrocities, to cast out people they don't like, to murder cartoonists who speak out against their prophet, to mutilate women’s genitals, and issue fatwas against authors. The Old Testament is a handbook of genocide. Evil is done by believers and non-believers, alike. Evil in the name of God is no better than evil without God.

“Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities.” –Voltaire.

Morality doesn’t require God, only a necessity to survive while living together in a community. Once we stopped wandering the Eastern Steppe, I can't imagine it took too long to figure out we shouldn’t kill each other. Humans ascribe moral standards to things. Some things we get right. Murder, rape, pedophilia—BAD. Some things we get horribly wrong. Gays, women—GOOD. Institutionalized religion is a human creation and its roots are with our excessive fear of death and an inherent need to have explanations (whether or not they’re based in evidence).

Belief isn’t in itself bad. Using your beliefs to justify hate, war, killing, torture, and to deny rights to people who do nothing to hurt anybody else is bad. “God said so,” is not a legitimate argument. I’m sure religion is a good drug for those who live up to its standard, but it’s caused more anguish to those who fall short than almost any other human creation. 

I don’t believe in the personal God of the Abrahamic religions. I don’t believe God created people and put them on earth to test our allegiance to him. That’s absurd and it’s evil. It’s putting a steak in front of a starving man and telling him not to eat.  Only a God created by humans could be so petty and egoistic. I just don’t but it.

Then again, I could be wrong. In which case, I’ve got some splainin’ to do when I get to the pearly gates. Sorry, God, but you created me this way!

Yours,

Liz

Happy Holidays is Not Religious Persecution

Since the holiday season is upon us, I just have one question about a war Americans have been engaged in for a long time now (since approximately the advent of Fox News). I’m not talking about Iraq or Afghanistan or even any other clandestine war that may be going on either. No, I’m referring to the all-important WAR ON CHRISTMAS.

My question is…where the hell is it? Seriously, where is it? You drive down the streets and its Christmas lights for miles. Radio stations play 24 hours of Christmas music. Christmas specials plastered all over the television. I go into work (a large, public hospital) and it’s more Christmas lights, display cases filled with Santa Claus and angel figurines, and windows painted with Christmas scenes, wintry scenes, religious scenes…oh yeah, there is one window that acknowledges Kwanzaa and Hanukkah. I know that offends some Christians.


More Christmas



My sorry decorations

Now, I love Christmas. As the song goes, it truly is the most wonderful time of the year. There’s nothing better than fresh fallen snow blanketing the pine trees in Maine or driving down the street at night and admiring all the ostentatiously decorated houses (except maybe the ones with the half deflated oversized decorations they bought at Wal-Mart). But what is so wrong about acknowledging that people exist outside of Christendom? A store clerk wishing you a Happy Holiday is not religious persecution. So please just respond with a pleasant smile, a thank you, and a same to you, not an overly emphatic MERRY CHRISTMAS!



Put the Christ back in Christmas





Party Time



See, that’s the shit that bugs me. It’s like when people are reciting the pledge of allegiance and add a little extra oomph when they get to, “…one nation, UNDER GOD.” We get it, you like God, congratulations, we don’t care. Now go re-read Matthew 6:5 and 6:6 (this applies to you too, Tim Tebow). Nobody’s trying to convert you to paganism and, despite what the right wing talking heads tell you, your kids actually can pray in school (it’s called the free exercise clause). So could you please stop using your religion for political gain and making up phony wars on Christianity? It’s called persecutory delusions and you should probably seek help.

Happy Holidays!

Liz

First, a word...

Oh, hello.

Willkommen, bienvenue, and welcome.

A warning before you proceed:

                If you are easily offended, I suggest you read no further. I missed class the day they taught us about taboo topics for polite discussion. As a result, my favorite subject matters are politics, religion, and sex (in that order). However, I have no problem with offering my opinions on other topics. In fact, I consider myself an expert in the field of opinery—whether my audience likes it or not!

Enjoy,

Liz