Gym
etiquette. Now, I’m not talking about wiping down your benches, or yakking away
on your cellphone, or grunting like Maria Sharapova at Wimbledom while you’re warming
up with 10 pound dumbbells. Yes, Mr. Hyperhidrosis is disgusting, I’d like to smash
Chatty Cathy’s cellphone against the wall, and the over-testosteronized ape
trying to draw attention to himself needs to realize people are laughing at him,
not admiring him. (**Note: I’m talking about the meathead grunters who are
clearly want for attention and probably have small penises, not those who let out
a little groan pushing out that last set or rep-all respect to hard workers, no
respect to assholes).
No, I’m not talking about those people. I’m talking about
people who are at the gym for its social aspect. I’m talking about the people
who, if they worked their muscles out as hard as their jaws, they’d be ripped. I'm talking about Mr. or Ms. STFU (though, I find that it's almost always Mr. STFU, despite the stereotypes).
I
have no problem if you want to pay a monthly fee to go make new acquaintances
at the gym, but you need to learn how to discern the difference between social
gym goers and people who are there to workout seriously. Look to the right of this post.
See the picture of the chick with the red, white, and blue cowboy hat and
mannish looking arms? That’s me. Do I look like somebody who’s at the gym to make
friends? If your answer was yes, then you’d be wrong.
Don’t
get me wrong, I like people—I really do—but I take working out seriously. I don’t
have a problem taking a second to say hi to my fellow lifters. Heck, if you’re
a friend, I have no problem taking a minute to catch up with you. And if I
haven’t started or I’m finished with my workout I’ll stay and talk to you as
long as you want. But I’m the type of person who has very little interest in inane,
how’s the weather-type conversations anyway, let alone when I’m trying to bench
press 150 pounds. So, here’s a little advice—when you see a chick bench
pressing her body weight, it’s not generally advisable to go strike up a
conversation with her. She’s not there for the sociability of the gym.
And
just in case, here are a few more signals that someone is not interested in interrupting
their workout to strike up a conversation—
1.
Brim of the cap
covering the eyes. This is a signal that the person is focused on themselves
and what they’re doing. They are avoiding eye contact so as not to entice
onlookers to interrupt.
2.
Headphones.
Headphones are actually a multi-purpose device. Yes, they deliver the sweet
dulcet sounds of Kenny Loggins to your eardrums, but they have a highly useful
secondary function. Headphones are an antisocial device. They scream leave me
alone. Sometimes I even put headphones on without any music for that sole
purpose.
3. Working out at 4:00
AM. Anyone who hauls their ass to the gym at 0400 is probably there for a workout
and not to talk. Leave them alone. If you want to be social, go to the gym at
4:00 PM.
4. The person limits
answers to “uh huh,” “mmm,” “yep,” and other nonsensical utterances while
grabbing at the piece of equipment they are currently on. This is a big one.
You’ve already tried to strike up the conversation. The person is telling you, “I’m
working out here. I’m trying to tell you to go away without being completely
rude.” Be careful because this person is one step away from going Regan MacNeil
on you.
I’ve
tried all of the above and still seem to attract the social butterflies of the
gym. So, clearly, they are not fool proof methods. I suppose I just scream, "come talk to me." It must be my friendly aura.
No comments:
Post a Comment